Why Understanding The Problem Is Key To Solving It
What if the real problem is not understanding the problem in the first place. What if the source of trouble is that we are coming up with solutions that don’t fit the reality of the situation.
Thoughts I wondered to myself as I began to grapple with family dysfunction and began to see why years of misplaced advice didn’t work on me.
People are good at quickly deciding what the probelms are. They can sum us up in a few sentences and figure out what needs to happen to fix us. We are so used to this practice we rarely question it, but by the time we do the words they have spoken have done their damage.
I got to thinking how someone looked at me once and said because I didn’t attend the event I must have been prideful. My problems back then were depression, hopelessness, and that persons emotional abuse. They never took the time to get to know me and about my problems and their advice on how to fix things only increased my despair.
By ourselves we can create the most fantastic stories about why everything happens. It’s the result of overthinking. Left alone and without facts to verify anything we can create solutions to figments of our imagination.
As a wife I can attest to doing this multiple times a week, throughout the year, and over the course of our marriage. I’ve walked into a kitchen and seen dirty dishes and immediately identified what the problem is, or who it is. I’ve come up with quick solutions and proceeded to try and implement them with my husband without communicating my intentions.
Who is the who of your what?
Understanding who is involved is a great place to start. Don’t under estimate the power of clarity. At work we want to know who is involved so we can involve the right people in creating solutions. In life we want to know so we can get clear about whether those people can or will be involved. We can’t make them show up to the fix the problem meeting, but we can find a way to mitigate the impact of problems others have created.
What is our what?
That’s easy you say. Don’t be so sure. It’s easy to jump to conclusions, read into situations based off past experience…